happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
