I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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