My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
