Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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