i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
