I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
