Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
