He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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