I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
