Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
