Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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