Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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