"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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