Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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