she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
