Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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