that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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