So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
