I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
