So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
