On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
