Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
