Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
