Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FUCK WHALES
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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