The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
