she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
