dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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