we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
