Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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