Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
