white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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