He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
