Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
