no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He passed out mid-signature
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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