I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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