Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this boner is exhausting
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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