I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
