i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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