I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
