i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bring me that man meat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
