Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
