i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
