I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
