I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
