Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
