i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
