I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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