WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
