can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
