1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
