best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
