nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
