I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
