sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You've changed since you got that strap on
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