i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
