We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize