I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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