i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
