You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's great music for shaving your balls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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