Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize