I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
