Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
