Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
