I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
